Space Warlord Baby Trading Simulator review for PC

Space Warlord Baby Trading Simulator is, more or less, a stock market simulator, and I’m possibly the worst person in the world to be writing about one of those. I’m hugely risk-averse when it comes to money; no matter what I hear from financial advisors or read online, I’m pretty much guaranteed to pick the safest option, regardless of whether it makes sense.

This is the worst mindset with which to approach Space Warlord Baby Trading Simulator. While it’s a stock market simulator, it’s an utterly insane version of the stock market where you buy and sell stocks in a person’s life. You can hit it big if you buy just before your person (or, I guess, alien entity, since it’s the future after all) finds love, patents an invention, or comes into money; you can also lose a bundle if they lose their farm, get caught in a natural disaster, or fall ill, and basically lose everything if they die before you cash out.

Which is to say: I found it incredibly hard to play this game and not sell my stocks the moment they made the most modest profit imaginable.

But that’s not the point of Space Warlord Baby Trading Simulator. The point is to make as much money as possible. You can place side bets on whether certain events will happen in a baby’s life. You can take the advice – some good, some terrible – from outside advisors who’ll take a cut. You can short the stock, and make massive gains if you do it just as the person falls into a series of unfortunate events. This latter point means, as the game helpfully reminds you, that “you will likely become very angry at least once when a baby who you are financially incentivized to watch crash and burn pulls their life together.”

Even with my natural reticence to risk-taking, I still had a lot of fun playing the game – though I found every moment of it insanely stressful. While there was no rhyme or reason to anything that happened, it was still fun every time I bought a stock just before it skyrocketed. Even when things went south, it was still kind of hilarious (in a very bleak way) to see so much misfortune befall someone.

And if I managed to enjoy Space Warlord Baby Trading Simulator despite the stressfulness, that means everyone else should absolutely love it. It’s completely nuts, but it’s got enough imagination that if you like betting it all on the role of a die, you’re guaranteed to get addicted to it.

Strange Scaffold provided us with a Space Warlord Baby Trading Simulator PC code for review purposes.